Tsuck it Tsongas



Happy Holidays

Rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated. 

Lowell is so predictable.  How many times can I write about the same stories about the same douchebags?  This isn’t the Lowell Sun.  I don’t see the usefulness of pointing out the obvious for the sake of having a current post.  This blog isn’t about me.  It’s about what’s right.  There’s a lot wrong here… so now for my 2¢.

The recent elections prove that our city is tired of business as usual, but how much can this new council really make things change?  certainly the council’s decisions and process could become more transparent.  This would be a welcome change.  However, unless the new council does some firing and hiring there isn’t much that can happen.  Addition by subtraction?  Perhaps, but that’s not nearly enough.

I stand by my original thesis that Bernie Lynch is only marginally better than John Cox.  We got rid of one set of inbred troglodytes and traded them for a bunch of numb uninspired “professionals” with neither the aptitude nor creativity necessary to understand the difference between good and great.  In fact, Lowell’s version of great is mediocre at best.  This is the fundamental problem with the redevelopment of Lowell.  A lack of vision, an unwillingness to embrace new ideas, and the inability to distinguish between average and extraordinary. 

Some examples:

LZ Nunn and the marketing of Lowell: Alive. Unique. Inspiring.  Really?  Hiring a company like Single Source Marketing.  A total waste of time and money.  If you have to work so hard to come up with this crap, maybe you should step aside.  Ms. Congeniality.

Adam Baacke and The Hamilton Canal District: Boring, formulaic, uninspired, and a rouse.  Trinity Financial is a political juggernaut who has produced nothing of significance.  ICON architecture, is a regional big box walmart of architecture.  Jim Keefe is a talentless traveling doctor selling miracle tonics to commoners.  Promises of an expanded trolley line, and theater in the development will never be attained, just as he intended. Of course if the NPS wanted to pick up the tab and enhance the area, they would surely take a cut.  Adam Baacke: you’re the luckiest tool in the city.  You caught the wave at just the right time, riding it to mediocrity on the coattails of Keefe.  You’re about as potent as a Ken doll.

Bernie Lynch and the Early Garage: What are you doing?!  Take a good idea to redevelop an area and then totally disregard its intent or the consequences when leasing space to the RMV.  Gridlock.  Remember when the RMV was located downtown and why it moved out?  One step forward, two giant steps back.  Douche.  How do those hairy balls taste?

I’m getting of topic, but another great example of mediocrity are the inbred elitists of the Lowell Plan.  Hey, let’s get a bunch of rich people with no taste in a room together, close the door, and declare the plan for Lowell.  The best part is… THERE IS NO PLAN.  Snobby fucks.

Left in Lowell and Lynne.  Sometimes I feel so sorry for you.  Please don’t subject yourself to Sun articles about energy conservation.  You obviously know very little about the subject and who really gives fuck about what you think anyway?  The Sun has taken shot after shot at you, then you let them take bad pictures in your home.  Seriously.  Get off your self indulgent high horse.  What’s next?  Posts about your cat?

Anyway… this is all obvious.  How often do I have to point out the same shit repeating time and time again? 

I don’t see myself writing much for a while… if at all.  Maybe I’ll catch a plane with Kendall Wallace and go to Florida.  Perhaps some art projects instead.  Peace out.


Winners and Losers

holy-crapIn all honesty, I thought Kazanjian would be re-elected.  Kudos to the citizens of Lowell for kicking him out along with Regina Fatcianti.  Even if the new councilors do absolutely nothing in the next two years, the council is improved simply by subtraction.  In the wake of the election, there are some clear cut winners and losers…

Bernie Lynch: Winner.  If Kazanjian, Lenzi, Mercier, Mercier, and Caufield stayed in power there was no way his contract would have been extended.

John Cox: Loser.  His influence is fading fast.

TJ McCarthy: Loser.  Was going to be the next city manager.

Chris Scott: Winner.  A stronger mandate with enemy #1 out.

Bill Taupier, Nick Sarris, George Berhakis: Losers.  Fatcianti, Kazanjian, A. Mercier, Lenzi means less of a chance that these dirt bags getting a reprieve from the school committee leaving the Bon Marche.

One Lowell, Move Forward Lowell: Winners.  Accomplished it’s core goal in changing the balance of power. 

Kendall Wallace & Lowell Sun: Losers.  Little influence over the election.  Bad predictions.  Irrelevant.

Lowell Shallot, Mr. Mill City, Left in Lowell: Winners.  People actually read these things and having other sources of news and opinion is valuable in a one (douchey) paper town.

Rita Mercier: Loser.  She’s made her dislike for Lynch obvious.  Now she’s in the minority with Bud.

Hairy Balls and rest of the state delegation: Losers.  Endorsing Kazanjian in the 11th hour?!  Dumb.

Good Olde Boys (GOBs): Losers.  Blowellians are part of the solution, not the problem.  The more that the old gaurd is pushed aside the better.

Citizens of Lowell: Winners*.  A step in the right direction and hope to change the petty insider politics of Lowell.  *Beware of Lynch and a vacuum of power from the city council.  Remember, Lynch is a politician looking out for his best interest.  He has his own cronies, favorites, and ambitions beyond Lowell.

Lowell Shallot Endorses

voteThe election is upon us tomorrow and everyone has been asking, “Who do you endorse for City Council?”  Here are my top 5 picks…

1. Alan Kazanjian: There is no end to the craziness surrounding this guy.  I heard that Lynne promised to move if he’s elected again.

2. Rita Mercier: Bat crazy.

3. Bud Caufield: What other mayor gets hammered and sings?

4. Jim Millinazo: He’s a GOB in sheep’s clothing.  Poor little Jimmy is just not part of the ‘in’ crowd right now.  I’m looking forward to people’s reaction when he turns to the dark side.

5. Dayne Lamb (write-in): She’ll use her superior intellect to tear each of these douchebags a new asshole and fix EVERYTHING in Lowell.

Thanks For Nothing: RMV Screws Up Downtown

Way to go State Senator Hairy Balls. Wicked smart Lynchie. On paper I can see how “saving” the RMV in Lowell seems like a good idea. Having an RMV branch in Lowell is convenient for residents and good regionally. The city owns a largely vacant garage earning far less than projections and remains a thorn in the side of those who voted for it.

On the flip side, does this move achieve the long term goals for the downtown or Lowell overall? Hardly.

One of Lowell’s greatest planning blunders is to confuse public spending with downtown viability. The city has a role in the process that is vital and necessary to creating a viable downtown… then they take it too far. In downtown proper, public spending with the NPS Visitor Center, and LeRoy Garage are positive. But then the greedy pigs of Lowell step in under the cover of “helping” Lowell and douche it up. Public and elderly housing is the vast majority of housing in downtown. This population has very little disposal income and do not enhance the downtown. How many people have you seen hanging around on benches and riding around on power scooters in the downtown? Are they going to restaurants and spending? Nope. Are they unpleasant for visitors? Sometimes. Would they be better served in a different area? Yes. Would the downtown be better served if this space had market rate housing? You bet.

Another example is the Bon Marche Building envisioned by the Lowell Plan, Jim (Tower News) Cook, George Berhakis, and Nick Sarris. Jordan Marsh left. OK, I understand that’s bad for downtown. Someone wants to step up and renovate the building, that’s good. Then there’s a sharp left turn. Public money is used to renovate then the building is pretty much given to a couple of cronies for a song. The building can’t be rented out, so who do they find as a tenant… the school committee! Wicked smart! Now for several years the school committee pays an exorbitant amount of rent and lines the pockets of Berhakis and Sarris. They return the favor by supporting politicians friendly to to them and the downward spiral begins. Does anyone remember the deal with the Lowell Senior Center? Same type of bullshit there and we’re still paying for it.

It doesn’t end there though. This year, the school superintendent does the right thing and decides not to renew the lease at the Bon Marche building. Sounds reasonable. Then GOB Bill Taupier becomes the mouthpiece for Berhakis and Sarris and warns of the impending collapse of the downtown if the school committee vacates the Bon Marche. Really? No, it’s just that Berhakis and Sarris believe they are from Lowell and the city owes them. Assholes. Allegedly, promises are made to school committee members that if they stay in the Bon Marche, they will be rewarded. Rita Fatcianti allegedly threatens Chris Scott. Court case and headlines costing Lowell money and bad press. Who gets screwed? We do. The residents, taxpayers, and school children who are having resources wasted.

Getting back to the issue at hand… the RMV. How many cronies and retarded relatives of cronies are employed at the Lowell RMV? Quite a few. Just like the sheriff department employs Rita Mercier, and Regina Fatcianti what favors are owed to State Sen. Steve Panagiotakos, state Reps. Tom Golden, Kevin Murphy and David Nangle for this move? What influence did DPD have with this action? I haven’t seen Adam (Lil B) Baacke holding a meeting to discuss the pros and cons of this move. Given the traffic impact to the neighborhood, was a single study done, were businesses and residents in the area asked? I don’t think so. This was shoved down the throat of Lowell by Senator Hairy Balls. Lynch bent over and accepted because he wants to be Senator Hairy Balls some day. The City Council bent over because they have pals employed at the RMV and there too dumb to recognize that this is a bad move to the viability of downtown.

My prediction… gridlock. Local businesses hurt by a lack of parking. Disgruntled RMV customers leaving as fast as they come. Early Garage parking problems, slowing growth and development in the area. The complete opposite of why the garage was built.

Made in Lowell


I had a great time at Made in Lowell.  For those of you who could not make it, here are some highlights:


 Lowell produces more empty liquor bottles than anywhere.  Streets are lined with these plentiful little souvenirs.  A trail of these bottles can be seen surrounding the Lowell Transitional Living Center.





 Lowell City politicians make more behind the scenes deals than anywhere.  Sometimes these deals of for money, sometimes they are for future ambitions.  Right Bernie?


pin cushion

A delightful pin cushion handmade by Liz and available on Etsy.






 lynne heat

 Know-it-alls and dumb bloggers.  From Emperor Wallace to Ms. Lynne there are no shortage of douchebags telling you what to think.  The two combined this week in the Sun to tell me about energy savings.  Shut the fuck up already.


EZ Nunn


Buy Art!  Buy Lowell!

What happened to Single Source Marketing? 

More to follow on this one.





abmugAwesome city planning:

Let’s build a $25 Million garage and put the RMV in there.  Brilliant!  Let’s put the post office, the Mass Department of Revenue, and a homeless shelter in there next.





First Snow: City Rejoices

Doucheman WalkingWith the first snowfall of the season citizens of the Lowell community can rejoice because we are one day closer to Emperor Wallace going back to Florida.  Unfortunately, being an election year Wallace will stick around for a few more weeks to try to influence the upcoming election.  I’m thinking there are about 6-8 more ‘Douchebag Chats’ left before shuffleboard season begins.  Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.